“I’m tired of walking on eggshells. Why do I have to do all the work to build relationships between our departments?”
Maria was a young, feisty engineer who had risen quickly to become the manager of the engineering department in a traditionally masculine profession. She worked hard to take care of her team and to create trust with the technicians who worked in the field. Yet she was frustrated with what she saw as a lack of respect between departments.
Maria had a vision of the groups having shared expectations, working toward common goals, collaborating, managing conflict, and being respectful. Personally, she wanted to establish healthy boundaries at work and not feel guilty. Yet she was feeling it was all up to her and she was working so much it was taking a toll on her family.
As part of other organizational work, her director offered coaching to the department leaders and Maria jumped at the chance.
Early on in coaching, Maria shared how the leader of the field team seemed to expect her to respond instantly, and how she had to spend so much time explaining her decisions to his team.
Maria’s coach asked her, “What if you didn’t?”
“Didn’t what?”
“What if you didn’t explain your decisions to them?”
Maria was skeptical about the idea that she might be being defensive. She decided to test what happened if, instead of justifying herself when the techs questioned her, she asked them to tell her about their concerns.
When Maria came to her next coaching session she was excited. When she stopped jumping in to explain herself, she noticed how quickly situations de-escalated. She realized how much energy she had been wasting.
Maria discovered her next block was managing her work time. She was already saving the time from justifying her decisions. She started working on prioritizing what’s most important, getting shared expectations with her director, delegating within her engineering team, and putting in place practices to help her leave at the end of her shift.
The final hurdle was how she was working with her team. Together with her coach, Maria explored ways to better mentor her team. She challenged her assumptions and came up with experiments to run. Maria shared her success with her coach, “When I change how I am showing up as a leader, it helps others show up in a way that also benefits me.”
A colleague returning from maternity leave noticed the difference in Maria right away. She observed, “You seem different. You’re more relaxed. You even look happy.”
And the director who invested in her? He saw Maria shift from needing to make sure others knew she was competent to being a confident leader. “She’s taking more time for herself, not working herself to the bone. She's relaxing, allowing things to come to her than she was before. She's more comfortable.”
